Life Of Wanderlust

I've been a traveling art model for almost 3 years now, the lifestyle defiantly isn't for everyone. It can put a strain on having a "normal" life (who wants to be normal anyways?! ) I'm in love with the traveling part of it, I want to see and experience as much as I can,  rack up as many airline miles as possible, talk to even more people, and explore the cities until the soles of my shoes wear out.
My inspiration to keep going? Not who you think...it's not a world leader or historical icon, it was a stranger that I ended up talking to while traveling with no schedule to be back to work next week. Looking at a tourist book browsing which restaurant to go to for dinner that night and deciding whether to book his hotel room a few more nights or see where the road would lead him to tomorrow. The career, house, corporate ladder and all.... that can wait, because if he doesn't let it wait he will only dream about the reality he is living now.

"If it ain't fun, it ain't done"

I'll contribute a much more up-beat post than my last.

What is "fun"? For me, it's anything that I enjoy doing, something that leaves me feeling fulfilled at the end of the day. One of the people that has come into my life through modeling has this phrase that she lives by, and I realize it's a good one to stick to.

I'm having fun during this chapter of my life right now, however much longer it lasts. We're never guaranteed anything, especially time, so why waste it?

... "If you haven't cried ...

 .. your eyes can't be beautiful." - Sophia Loren

I haven't posted in a very long, long time. I'm sorry. Life gets in the way sometimes..
--
I've been told countless times how "striking" my eyes are.. how "beautiful" or how much "depth" they have. In all my modeling, through countless shoots, of the thousands of images .. the comment I think I've heard the most is of my "ability to stare through the camera and into the soul of the viewer."

It's amusing to me, sometimes, to point out that I am, effectively, blind during almost all of my shoots. I wear glasses.. a very, very strong prescription. To be entirely honest, I can't actually "see" what I'm looking at when I stare into the black, blurry round thing that is the camera lens. I've no depth perception whatsoever without my "eyes" (as I've dubbed my glasses over the years), and can only see detail about 3 inches from the end of my nose.

At some point, I wonder if perhaps my lack of ability to focus on what's physically in front of me does, in fact, give the illusion that I'm staring "through" someone/thing in an image. Would I have been as good a model if I could actually see what I was doing? It wasn't until recently that I actually realized just how often my posing, positioning, etc. was a result of "feeling" what was right.. a modeling "instinct", if you will. Holding an image in my mind of where my hair is, the degree my neck is tilted, the lift of a hip or ankle.. memorizing the lighting setup before I took my glasses off.. all something that had to become a habit, rather then a visual check.

The other comments I've noticed are always "What was on your mind?" during a shoot/image. Honestly? Usually some variations of:

- "Fingers relaxed, leg up, inhale .. hold it .. hold it.. hold it .. and.. done."

 I never really noticed, until a photographer pointed it out to me once, that I generally hold my breath when I'm posing. Fear of losing the moment .. a realization that breathing is almost like a clock ticking .. sometimes causes me to just .. not .. for a while.

- "Aggh! this is killing my back and my hip, please take the picture.. take the picture now.. take it .. oh thank God."

I have chronic, mild to severe, joint & back pain. Always. Modeling was one of the most incredibly painful things I've done in my life, without fail. A good portion of why I had to stop traveling was due to the increasing level of pain that being on an airplane or in a car would cause me... still causes me. I am forced to seek steady, "real world" employment in the hopes of finding something with insurance that will allow me to have these issues diagnosed and treated on a regular basis.

Though.. sometimes I think giving up the "traveling model" identity .. might almost be more painful then the reason I had to let it go.

I deeply miss modeling. I miss the creativity.. the connection.. the flow of movement. I adored being the "chameleon", and the pleasure of seeing new images I helped create. It's an addiction.. a craving.. a need. There's an old superstition that cameras consume your soul. Every photo takes a piece of it until, eventually, there's nothing left of you except what's in the camera.

I suddenly understand why the story came about.

Modeling is a consuming, hungry, gluttonous thing. You give to it because it needs to take, and because you need to give. You feed the camera what you have inside of you, so that you might become the image .. the art.. the wonder of what it will give birth to. You become the blank canvas .. the hand, the eyes, the body .. you are no longer the name on your birth certificate. You are "Model".. and it will ravenously feast at the banquet of you until you become undeniably altered.

Am I better for this? I don't know.

I occasionally catch myself pining for it, like a lost love .. a heartache that throbs just enough to remind you some deeply engrained piece of you is missing.

Eyes are beautiful because they cry. Models are beautiful because they give, change, grow, become.

New Media

We used to get most of our bookings from OMP, then later, MM. Now I get most of my work off of craigslist, mostly MM folks who don't use the travel notification system. She said, "I've had bad luck in Ashville, people keep asking me to shave my bush or make dubious requests. . . "

I told her that I never turn my Facebook messenger on. She says she has to, that people book on the fly. A week ago I heard that tumblr what the place to be. That many models are getting their bookings from there now.

We were talking about changes as if they were a dream. Like unfamiliar languages and we were trespassers in a new world. Maybe it is because everyone is 10 years younger than us. We work all the time, it is just where we get out work that changes.


taken by Rebecca Lawrence

on tour again with higher standards.

before i left oakland, i was approved for disability. i also took a semester of school. one of my classes was "wimmin in art history," and the class focused on the media and body image coincided with my getting on disability. i thought that now, since i do not need to rely on my modeling income to live, i could raise the bar a little. i decided to take a stand against being edited to perfection. i decided that i could no longer overlook the fakeness of those amazing images i would get back in which my skin was flawless, my stomach flat, my scars blended in with the rest of my skin. sadly i loved them all. they were an image of myself like no one looks. on the days i was in tune with the reality of my actual beauty, i would see fake plasticized images of others and i would imagine this being what they actually looked like. i would start to be down on myself. i would also imagine others looking at images of me, an oddly figured alternative model, still with an ageless beauty trying to conform to societal faux-norms, and being down on themselves.

so i changed my profile on the modeling website to say that i was not interested in perpetuating this unattainable ideal and contributing to stabs at the self-esteem of girls and wimmin who use the internet. in this subculture it is severely frowned upon for a model to be assertive in this way, to be contentious, opinionated, "difficult." i am supposed to be trying to sell myself and no one wants to buy a product with so many terms and so many boundaries. a move like i made is seen as career suicide. and i like modeling, so it was a little of a bummer. but i figured i could just work with my friends. the amount of work i had been offered had decreased over the last few years, anyway, since i had been aging at an unfortunate steady pace of one birthday a year, been getting more bad tattoos, and not been as active when it came to networking [ie. spending ten hours a day on the internet making mindless conversation (though sometimes fun!) with photographers and other models.] so i figured this was really it. say goodbye to ever working for a stranger who wanted to pay me to model for them ever again.

but i had planned a part-visit, part-tour [the music kind] trip, and i decided to post up some travel notices as a model. what the hell, it couldn't do any harm. and this weird thing happened. i got a fair amount of messages to set up work, for pay, when i was in different areas. not more than ever, but a fair amount. this is clearly what happens when no one reads profiles, i thought. but most of the messages mentioned things like "i like your attitude," and words which connected to the things i'd written or sympathized with them.

my first shoot this trip was just outside of atlanta with vic. we talked about zines, hometowns, punk scenes, body image issues, and how he has two young daughters and hopes things change soon. he used several cameras, including a panoramic pinhole one! i'm worried that i got my hopes up about the kind of people i'm going to be working with from now on.

The Final Stillness

I was greeted with a beaming smile and tired eyes; there was no hostility present, no anger, just a glowing sense of peace broken up by sudden bouts of pain. This is the last time I saw my father alive.

I never understood him; nobody really did, except for maybe my brother. Other mathematicians and scientists raised their eyebrows and scratched their heads at his musings on existential mathematical theorems. I compared him to other fathers of my friends and took his lack of "normal" behaviors- riding bikes, playing catch, having tea parties- as a lack of love for me. It was in this last moment that I understood more fully that there was never any hatred or resentment towards me; maybe a frustration that I didn't find chess to exciting, and didn't like math. He latched on to anything artistic I did- took me to piano class, encouraged me (for the most part) to dance, encouraged me to sketch.

He was an artist at heart; he only went to MIT because he was one of few people in his school that tested high on an aptitude test and received a full scholarship. Instead of sketching, he now found beauty in numbers, time, space, the Universe... It was all beautiful.

I believe I have talked about the stillness in art modeling before; how it is a sort of meditation. But it is never true stillness- your heart beats, your blood flows, you shift ever so slightly with every breath in and out. The Final Stillness is when none of that energy is present anymore; it has gone elsewhere. But, I guess that even in death, we are slowly changing. It was quite stirring and terrifying to see him in the Final Stillness state; parts of me were sad, but most of me saw that it was a positive and necessary step for his soul.

His funeral was held at a Bulgarian Orthodox church; he had been baptized right before he got sick. He saw beauty in the ceremonies, saw beauty in the music, saw something that made sense; in fact, one of the last things he talked about with me was music. The Father, even though he had only known my father for a year and a half, gave his words; in short, my father tried to talk about existential math and asked questions about God and the Universe, and the Father was at once frustrated and in awe.

I think my mother put it best; he has been seeking answers to all of the questions in the Universe, and now he has them all.

I can never fully explain this process, this experience; nobody ever really can. So, I will end this with a few quotes from "Language in Thought and Action", by S. I. Hiyakawa, a book I found while drifting with my brother:

"...no word ever has exactly the same meaning twice... First, if we accept that the contexts of an utterance determine its meaning, it becomes apparent that since no two contexts are ever exactly the same, no two meanings can ever be exactly the same... Secondly, we can take for an example a word of 'simple' meaning like 'kettle'. But when Lynne says 'kettle', its intensional meanings to her are the common characteristics of all the kettles Lynne remembers. When Peter says 'kettle', however, its intensional meanings to him are the common characteristics of all the kettles he remembers. No matter how small or negligible the differences may be between Lynne's 'kettle' and Peter's 'kettle', there is some difference." (Page 39)

"In the course of argument, people frequently complain about words meaning different things to different people. Instead of complaining, they should accept it as a matter of course. It would be starling indeed if the word 'justice', for example, were to have the same meaning to each of the nine justices of the United States Supreme Court; then we should get nothing but unanimous decisions. It would be even more startling if 'justice' meant the same to the robber as the robbed." (Page 40)

a short trip.

hi everyone,

i am going to go to houston, tx for the first ever houston anarchist book fair and film festival! i'll be tabling there with my radical goth distro, the ambient transient, and also for some bay area projects i'm involved with. the book fair is from april 22nd-24th. i plan on getting to town a little before and staying a little after and am looking to book some shoots around that time. during the actual weekend is not as preferable as a few days before or after, but i will consider anything.

after the book fair, i will be in new orleans until about may 5th or 6th and am looking for work there, too. i think i may get to work with jonathon narducci while we are both there, but i'm not sure yet.

then a friend and i are going to ride to southern california and i guess i'll be there [LA/IE, santa barbara areas] for a few days before coming back to oakland. -- contact me or comment here for updates on specific dates and to nail something down as far as that goes.

then i will need to go to portland shortly after.

but other than that i'm staying put in oakland!! for a few months..

Live art modeling 101

While many people associate "model" with someone who poses for photographers, there is a whole other world of modeling! Live art modeling for art schools, museums, and private artists can potentially be a long, fulfilling career.

There aren't as many stringent requirements as fashion modeling, for example; you do not have to be a size 0 and 5'10" to be marketable. Since there are less restrictions, there is more competition.

What makes a memorable art model lies in other qualities-

-Punctuality is very, very important. Being 5 minutes late is not acceptable. If you're chronically late, especially for classes, you'll end up blacklisted and out of work.

-Preparedness. I always take a long t-shirt dress to wear for breaks, a scarf as a prop just in case, a timer in case the studio/ artist doesn't have one (happened once!); also, bring your own water and snacks. Turn off your phone!

-Charisma and demeanor. Even if you're having the worst day of your life, don't bring baggage. You can, however, put that energy into your poses. Be confident, even if you're having a "fat day" or a breakout. Nobody cares, I promise.

-Body awareness. I highly recommend taking a dance class, yoga class, or any other activity where you become more aware of your body.

-The ability to hold poses for extended periods of time. No matter how pretty and nice you are, if you fidget, "sag", or otherwise can't hold a pose well, that will annoy everyone trying to draw you. This ties directly into body awareness; know what is a good pose for your body, and what is hard to hold.

This is the most standard layout of a class I have encountered:

-Expect 2 to 3 hours for a class.

-Some classes, you hold one long pose; in some instances, it is acceptable to fall asleep in pose.

-Most classes, you will begin with a few minute-long gesture poses, then gradually move to longer poses.

-Many classes have a break time alloted.

-Always feel free to ask the director of the class about details of the class!

As a rule, I do the more daring, hard-to-hold poses first for short poses, and don't sit or lie down until the longer poses.

Make sure that you face everyone at least once! I generally face front, then move around clockwise until I've made a full circle. If I'm lying with my head one way, I'll switch which way my head is for the next lying pose.

If I do a lot of crunched up poses in a row, I'll change it up and do some elongated poses. If I notice people finishing their drawings early, I'll throw a real doozy of a pose. A "doozy" consists of anything hard to draw- anything contorted, foreshortened, abstract generally works.

In general, art modeling doesn't pay as much per hour as photographic modeling; depending on the local market, pay can range anywhere from $8.50-$50+ an hour for classes. If I can spend a week or more in a location, or have all expenses paid or enough shoots lined up, I try to art model as much as possible. There is more of an opportunity to book regular work as opposed to photographic work; a one-time high paying photographic gig though can give you the opportunity to travel a new location, and doing well at an art school or working repeatedly with artists can bring you back! Also, I have met many private artists through posing for groups and classes that do not use the internet and I would have never gotten into contact with otherwise.

2011 so far

January:

NYC-Boston-Durham-Knoxville-Birmingham-Nashville-Chicago-sleepover at O'Haire thanks to snow-Indianapolis-Columbus-28 hour greyhound ride-Dallas (siiiiiick)-LA to rest and cry for 2 days

February:

Honolulu-LA-Fillmore-San Luis Obispo-Bay Area to cry for 2 days

March:

19 hour amtrak-Portland-15 hr amtrak-Sacramento-Bay Area where my mind is breaking

soon to pass: fly "home", go to grandmother's, unplug phone for 4 days, cry; work a few jobs in Boston and NH

April:

NYC-Boston for a few days-SoCal/ San Luis Obispo- Boston for 2 days to attend pow wow and hope hope hope my friend doesn't make me dance... my spirit is breaking, my body is breaking...

I feel bad for being such a negative person and making such a negative post, but I have nothing else to write... I think I'm done talking for a while...

Hoping for the Best...

...preparing for the worst.

It's my personal approach to modeling trips, and it has served me well. Often, things go about like I expect them to. There may be a delayed connection here, a traffic snag there, but nothing too crazy. Nothing like, say, a blizzard on I-80 right where I planned on being.

Yesterday afternoon I wrapped up my last shoot in the Bay Area. From there, I planned on heading across I-80 to Salt Lake City to pick up a few more shoots on my way home. Alas, things didn't go quite as I had planned. Checking the weather on the passes revealed a line of cars inching along a solid white roadway. Yegh. Chains or 4WD were required for all vehicles, neither of which I have. Even if I did pick up chains, I was not convinced that the pass would even be open by the time that I arrived. Plan B? Detouring south through Mojave and Las Vegas, then coming back north through Utah. Ouch.

It can be tempting to schedule shoots thisclose together. Wrap up one shoot at 2, make the half hour drive to the next spot, start shooting again at 3. Finish shooting in one city in the evening, drive 8 hours to the next and be shooting again the next morning. But it's a gamble. Appointments run over. Construction and traffic can wreak havoc on estimated drive times. Flat tires, inadequate directions, and any number of variables can throw a wrench into schedules.

Fortunately for me, I make a habit of planning for those wrenches. The extra time that I scheduled in for unpredictable delays allowed me to easily cover the additional distance. I even made it to SLC in time for lunch at one of my favorite restaurants, arranging a last-minute drawing session, and blogging- and I'll be refreshed and ready to go for my shoot this evening.

NYC Public Transportation for Beginners

As yo may or may not know, I primarily travel in and out of the NYC area. I live two weeks in Buffalo, two weeks in NYC. I've been doing it for roughly four years, so I would say I know NYC fairly well. The question I would say that I field the most from models on their NYC trip is "How do I get around New York?"

Many first time travelers look at the NYC transit maps with a sense of confusion and potential impending doom. When I first started going to NYC 6 or 7 years ago to visit friends, I also found the transportation system a bit intimidating. But once you learn it, it isn't too difficult.

NYC Subway
The best way to get around in NYC is via subway. You can get just about anywhere underground. I suggest using hopstop (http://www.hopstop.com) or googlemaps (http://maps.google.com/)to plan your routes. I find both services to be pretty much the same. The exception is if you are going to Staten Island and need to use the Ferry. Only hopstop acknowledges the ferry as a mode of public transportation (don't know why that is.) If you have a smartphone, I suggest you get the googlemaps app. This will make charting your course much easier if you happen to get lost. (NOTE: phones only work above ground. You do not get reception in the subway tunnels.)

Be aware that NYC is big and the burroughs can be far away. It may take you two hours (or more) depending on where you are going to get from Queens to Brooklyn, so make sure you plan your schedule with enough time. Subway fare is $2.25 with free transfers, but the metrocard machines offer deals depending on how much you put on it ie: a $20 metrocard you get a $1.40 bonus. If you run out of money on your card you can recharge it at any machine.

Depending on how long you stay, you may want to consider an unlimted metro card. If you are staying a week to two weeks and plan to travel a lot, this is probably the best value for your money. I usually but a 2-week metro which costs about $55. A 1-week metro is about $27 if I remember correctly.

There are three major hubs in NYC-- Grand Central, Times SQ and Penn Station. If you even get lost, you can go to one of these big spots and chances you can either find the train you need or find a train that will connect to the one you need. If you have any doubts, these three major hubs have large subway maps and despite what people say about New Yorkers, everyone is pretty helpful and friendly.

Here is another quick tip about the subways- if you take the "number trains" (1,2, 3, 4, 5 or 6) trains keep in mind that on the uptown train the numbers go up and the downtown train the numbers will go down. The only one of the number trains that does not follow this rule is the 7. It is a cross-town train which goes from Manhattan to Queens. The numbers go down from Manhattan then back up again when you hit Queens.


LIRR & MetroNorth
Depending on who books you and where, you may have to use the Metronorth or the Long Island Railroad (LIRR.) The LIRR goes through the suburban parts of Queens and Brooklyn. MetroNorth travels into Connecticut and about an hour or two "upstate". Unfortunately, your metrocard will not work here and you will have to buy a ticket. The prices aren't horrible, usually no more than $20 round trip if you are going out really far. Buy your ticket in advance from a machine to save money. They jack to prices up if you by them on the train. Although you can get the LIRR and MetroNorth at different locations, the easiest places if there is not a stop near you are the big hubs; Penn Station for the LIRR and Grand Central for the Metro North.

New Jersey
Another place you may travel is into New Jersey. If the place in NJ it is relatively close to New York City, you can get to it using the PATH train. The big Path Station is by World Trade. One end of the PATH goes to Hoboken and the other end goes to Newark. The big transfer hub on the PATH os Journal Square. You can use your Metrocard on the PATH, however it must be a pay-per-ride. Otherwise, you can buy a PATH ticket for $1.75.

The other way to get from NYC to NJ is NJTransit. This is like an Amtrak that runs from NYC to NJ and goes to more places than the PATH. It is a bit more expensive, probably comparable to taking the LIRR or MetroNorth. You will need to use this if your destination is father than the PATH will take you.

In Closing
There are other methods of transportation depending on where you are going, shuttle buses, Ferries, etc. but generally the photographer will let you know if he or she is in a location that requires a special mode of transportation. If you are confused, ask him or her. Most people know how to get to their home or studio from Penn Station or Grand Central. If you are relying on public transportation to get around, make sure the photographer knows this ahead of time. It may affect the travel instructions he or she gives you.

Even if you master NYC travel, you may still get lost. Don't worry, everyone gets lost in New York sometimes. I still get lost. If it happens, don't panic. In most cases, as long as you are in touch with the photographer and let him or her know what is going on, they are usually pretty understanding.

I hope this helps you get around NYC.



Picture of me, taken by Keith Broadhurst

Kindred Spirits in an Alien Nation

Sometimes, once in a great while, the energy that comprises me seeks out and is aligned with energy from outside of me.

Words are superfluous.

Maybe through shaving my head I hope to accomplish some sort of anonymity, some sort of escape from what others generally perceive me as. To start anew. To be born again.

Those on my wavelength with persist; those who clash with me will disappear from my immediate train of thought, and I from theirs.

I belong to an Alien Nation.

I no longer believe in coincidence.

I have not known how to word my next post, what to include, what to omit.

Instead, I will pose an open-ended question: What do we fill our lives with, and why?

On the way from Los Angeles to San Francisco recently, I answered a craigslist ad. Since my smartphone is really a dumbphone, I had to handwrite the craigslist encoded email on paper, then hand-enter it into an email on my phone's browser. The person who posted the ad was an amateur sketch artist on the Peninsula, and we worked out that we would not exchange money, but rather I could stay with him for a week or so and I could sit for him when we were both free, and for a group he hosted on the weekend.

I can't describe why I felt compelled to answer this ad, or why he felt so compelled to respond; I had begun to feel like a hired object and needed to come down to earth, I guess was one motivating factor. I can't put words to the kindness he showed; he was respectful of my needs and space, cooked 3 meals a day when I was not working, drove me to the train when I was. He, one of his friends who attended the sketch group, and I had a very long conversation about life, and the things we go through. For some reason, I felt compelled to draw that day; I haven't drawn seriously in years.

The Universe gives us what we need in order to grow; sometimes, we have to go through challenges and what we may view as hardships. If we don't learn our lesson then, the Universe is patient, and the lesson will come in another form later. Our only job is to be ourselves; to really know our wants, desires, and purpose, in order to be a positive part of the world around us. If we do something untrue to ourselves, we surround ourselves with falsities- fake friends, a job we're unhappy with, a lover we don't really love.

This new friend ended up being the first person I saw when I found out my estranged father was diagnosed and in treatment for cancer. He was picking me up to get to another informal sketch group, and I decided that I needed to go. I felt compelled to draw that day.

I have gone through a few emotional breakdowns over the past few days, and a frantic call to my mother, saying I wish I could be there to take care of her, my grandparents, brother, and sister. I feel selfish. removed, and like I'm not a vital member of the family. Luckily, my mother echoed what I had heard a few days before- our only job in life is to be ourselves. I feel like I am on the right route; but, I think it would also be right to modify my life for a few months to be able to be an active member of the family again and still work as a traveling model. I have found a few places in Boston that would be potentially interested in using me as a life model in the Spring and Summer of '11, as well as a few artists in Boston and NYC.

As I type now, I am planning the next few months of traveling, comparing and contrasting Greyhound, Amtrak, and American Airlines. I have a complex system of formulas to deduce which days are best to travel by what mode. But, more importantly, I know where I want to be going. I do not believe I am the best model, the prettiest/ smartest/ whatever. I simply love what I do, know what I have to offer, and know what I want from those around me.

I can't describe how I feel; my father and I have never been close, especially not in the last few years. I had wanted someone that he could never be as a father; he had demonstrated that I was not what he wanted in a daughter. It was easiest to live separate of each other. But what now? The treatments should work, but it is still a shock to realize that we are all human, and only here for a limited time. We should not hold grudges, or do things that displease us just because it is an easier way to live.

In the end, what do we fill our lives with, and why?

A Different Experience

Frequent travel can have its downsides- anything from a sore back from sleeping in your car to missing out on time with family. And while I've certainly had my fair share of restless nights curled up in the hatch of my car, my lifestyle as a traveling model has allowed me to see much more of my family than I did prior.

I've never been good at selecting exceptionally profitable jobs. Before working as an art model, I worked in a low-cost veterinary clinic. Not surprisingly, low-cost clinics don't pay their employees especially well. I lived across the country from my family, and visits were exceptionally rare. Even when family members came to visit, I generally was working at least a few of the days that they were in town. I simply couldn't afford to take that much time off of work- nevermind the prohibitive cost if I wanted to fly out to Indiana to visit them. We used e-mail and phone to stay in touch, but I had relatively little face-time with my family.

A schedule with infinite flexibility and frequent travel changes things. I'm now able to visit my family in Indiana a couple of times a year. My father and I have been able to resume our ongoing Scrabble competition. My mother has gotten to know her granddog, Jitterbug. Were it not for the trajectory my life has taken, I would still only be seeing my next of kin once a year, if even that often.

I'm lucky. I know that. I'm thankful for my time on the road- it keeps things interesting, but it also keeps me close to family.

Family

These are pictures taken at my grandparents' 50th anniversary I was unable to attend:


Family is a very important thing for me. I don't see them enough. I spent two days with my grandparents this past week, which I haven't been able to do since the spring.

My grandmother and I talked about whether I was safe when I was traveling, whether I was enjoying the work I was doing. I said yes, but it comes with a huge cost.

Right now I'm working on getting more established with regular work, so that I can find a home base again, or just afford to spend more time with my family.

You should never live to work; work should enable you to live.

Thoughts for newer models seeking to go full-time.. by ShivaKitty

*Reposted with Permission*

I compiled a list of basic suggestions for models looking to eventually make money from modeling. Some people might find these suggestions offensive, or harsh. It is from my own personal experience, not the law, not the Every(wo)man's-Modeling-Holy-Book by any means. Some of these topics have been discussed to death, and beaten into the ground, but models still ask about them, so I provided input regardless.


Before you even consider starting to model full-time, you should be comfortable with the idea of accepting paid work from people whose images you feel are really pretty horrible, or at least mediocre. Understand that many of the people you shoot with will post unflattering images of you all over the internet, and you will have no right to complain since you were fairly compensated, in cash, after the shoot.

When you first reach a point where you realize you *can* make money from modeling, you will NOT just arbitrarily "set" a rate. When that time comes, you will start being offered certain amounts of money per shoot. Often, the amount you will be offered will seem surprisingly low. It isn't. As you model longer, build a diverse portfolio, and have a list of strong references, you are likely to be offered increased amounts of money. Eventually, you will have more control over the rate at which you work. In the beginning, the people hiring you will control your rate. You gain more control over your rate in accordance with experience level, and reputation.

You cannot assume that every person who contacts you is creepy, or harmful. Understand that you will be shooting with a lot of people whom you probably wouldn't care to socialize with in your daily life. Some folks are unpleasant, stinky, have no social skill, etc. You will be shooting with some of these people, yes. However, if they are not disrespectful to you verbally, and if they do not engage in overt transgressions, you are going to be okay. Most people are good people. Most photographers and artists do treat their models very well, and with respect. Have some trust in the goodness of humankind. You will be pleasantly surprised with what you find.

You should be comfortable setting personal limits, but also be flexible with those limits when you realize you have started outgrowing them --- and yes, many of the things you start off saying "never" to become okay to you, or even fun, after you have been shooting for awhile. Your personal values are likely to change, because modeling full-time will force you to grow in areas of challenge that many people never even encounter, let alone go out and face bravely.

Do not let other people determine when you have outgrown certain limits and boundaries. You will know. You. You. You. You.Will.Know.

Certain things, that modeling full-time kind of forces upon you, will increase your self-esteem, your street smarts, and your personal savvy. An example is travel. I never traveled alone until I started modeling. Now, I do it a lot, and I do it fearlessly. Modeling just changes you. It really, really does. It changes who you are, how you interact with the world around you, how others perceive you. You are either able to go with that natural ebb and flow - grow with it, rather - or not.

People will often try to convince you that you are not worth the rate/trade/compensation you feel your work is worth. Either agree, or move on. You might find out that you're not so great after all, or you might discover that you are -in fact- talented, and great at what you do. Anticipate that your perception of yourself, and your perception of your work's value, will shift as you grow personally from your new experiences.

Be willing to spend a lot of time on the road. In 2009, I was putting an average of 500 miles per week on my car, and I did additional long-distance trips (requiring airplanes). There are ways to travel cheap(er), such as trading shooting hours for airfare, but it can be difficult to wrangle up these jobs. Getting started traveling to shoot tends to happen naturally over time. It is not worth hurrying; when it's time for you to work elsewhere, it will happen.

Time and time again, models you think are uglier, dumber, or less experienced will be selected for jobs, while you will be rejected. You will learn that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, and you are the perfect model - for a DIFFERENT photographer.

You will lose old friends who refuse to support you, but you will gain new friends within the industry, who understand where you are coming from, and care about your goals and development as a creative person.

You will become jaded about some things, because -as with any job- the stress wears on you over time. You will become more open to many, many lovely things that you would have never experienced working in an office, or in doing retail work.

You will likely evolve in a "hustler" of sorts. You learn to negotiate, bargain, weigh options, etc.

You will become very good at managing your ever-changing schedule.

You will need to decide, relatively early in the game, whether you want to keep your modeling life private, or whether you want to "come out" to your family and friends. If you are over 18, and living independently, whatever you choose to do with your body and likeness is your personal business, and yours alone. Just like your personal finances stop being your parents' business once you are working and out of their house, so does the ways in which you choose to use your body. If you choose to share the information, wonderful. If you don't, it's your heart/mind/body, and only you own it.

You will be well-advised to use a stage name - religiously - for any nude, erotic or fetish work. No one should have to tell you that this shit can come back to bite you in the ass when you are 45, and running for mayoral office. Even if you use a stage name, it can still come back to bite. Just keep that in mind.

http://shivakitty.com/
http://www.modelmayhem.com/369429

Tools of the Trade

Let me start off by saying that this is by no means a comprehensive, or universally applicable, list. This is just the list of what I've found to be especially useful in my work as a freelance art model. I bring very little with me to shoots, so I've broadened my scope somewhat. Rachel Jay has written a similarly-themed list here, but hers is geared toward people who model in clothes, and who know how to apply makeup. If you're one of those clothes-and-make-up-wearing types, then I'd highly recommend checking out what she has to say. Similarly, there are some items on my list which others have done perfectly well without.

Now that we've got that disclaimer out of the way, let's get down to it. What is the stuff I use?

1. Hairbrush, and her friends the hairties- Messy hair works great for some images, but not all. For figure work in particular, being able to pull my hair up into a bun is quite useful. The hairbrush and a few hairties travel with me to every shoot. Hairties live on the handle of the hairbrush, instead of on my wrist where they would likely leave elastic marks. Which brings me to...

2. Loose clothing- This means no socks, no underwear, and nothing so tight-fitting that it will leave impressions in my skin when I take it off. I usually opt for jeans which are slightly too large for me and a tank top or tee-shirt.

3. Cards- Especially when sitting for drawing groups, I’ve found it to be quite useful to be able to hand out cards with my name, stats, and contact information. It communicates that you are serious about modeling, and it also makes it easier for people to contact you and hire you independently.

4. Modeling robe- Again, this one is mostly useful for drawing groups. While it doesn't strike many photographers as odd for me to remain nude during breaks, that is a major no-no for drawing groups. Some groups have robes on-hand for models, but not all do. Bringing my own robe means that I have something to easily throw on for breaks.

5. My car- Though I do occasionally travel by plane, much of my travel has been done by car. It allows me to easily reach artists who are way out yonder in the suburbs, and it allows me to stop by much smaller markets along the way. Anymore, I’ve found that small cities with next to no local nude models are great places to stop for a few days on my travels. Plus, my car is incredibly fuel efficient. It is because my car gets 40ish MPG that I can state that anywhere from Cheyenne to Denver is “local” to me without cringing.

6. Sunblock and bugspray- Part of being a nude model is making sure that your skin is in reasonably presentable condition. While I’ve had some faux pas moments along the way, I strive to make sure that my skin is all approximately the same non-red shade, and isn’t specked with mosquito bites.

7. The internet- Be it with my blackberry or my laptop, I strive to stay in touch with the world. If somebody needs to contact me on short notice, whether to hire me or to cancel on me, I want to know sooner rather than later. Coffeeshops have, at times, felt like a second home for me as I utilized their complimentary wireless to take care of business while traveling.

Again, this list is of the items that I have found indispensable in working as a freelance model. Those occupying other modeling niches, or with different travel styles, will have a different list. It takes some time to find your own groove, and what works best for you. Lists like this one, as well as the lists that others have made, can help you on your way as you find your rhythm.

Airport Camaraderie

I don't care for airports. By and large, I've found that they bring out the worst in people. To start with, you're pulling from a segment of the population that has a well-developed sense of entitlement. These are Big, Important People, with Big Important Places to Go and Things to Do. Airports take these people, process them assembly-line style through security, shuffle them into a holding area with crowded, uncomfortable seating, and then tell them that their flight is going to be late because of a thunderstorm, a broken part, a delayed flight crew, or because that's just the way the cookie crumbles. And no amount of self-importance can change that.

Hooo boy, that rarely goes over well. I've found airports to be permeated with a thick tension in the air, with everybody right on the verge of snapping. All it takes is a single catalyst to set off a nasty reaction.

On my way home from New York to Denver, there were more than a few catalysts. Nasty weather all along the east coast left travel a mess for many airports, including Newark, my point of departure. Flights were being delayed or outright canceled right and left, and folks were finding their travel plans effected by more than just a slight hiccup.

But shockingly, these repeated obstacles weren't met with hostility. The mood at gates B41-B48 was one of patient humor. Stranded travelers cracked jokes, helped one another with working around delays, even shared phone chargers. None of us were thrilled to be faced with the circumstances, but it was collectively recognized that a foul mood wasn't going to change anything. And so we banded together, and stuck it out with humor. After dozens upon dozens of flights over the course of my lifetime, it was the first truly pleasant and inspiring airport experience that I've ever had. So thank you, fellow travelers through Newark. It sure coulda been worse.

Touching, adjusting.. "May I..?"

Touching is fine, as long as you're courteous and respectful.

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To photographers:

I take direction amazingly, and I'm great at posing myself.. but even I need help sometimes. If I'm holding a pose, adjust my hair, outfit, body parts etc. as need be.. just be polite about it.

If you aren't sure if it's alright, ask "May I adjust...(insert whatever needs adjusting).. for you quickly?"

When moving a body part, please make sure it's not a load bearing point.. I've had people yank my leg out from under me and cause injury and bruising because they weren't paying attention enough to realize my entire body weight was on that foot at the time.

And please be gentle when moving body parts. Yanking my chin around, pulling my arm almost out of socket into a position that the joint isn't designed to go into, etc, can cause issues. If you more me quickly and gently, then if there's an issue with the pose, it can be figured out before it causes injury.

If adjusting clothing or hair, be quick and professional. Clothing shifts, we all know this. If you aren't comfortable doing it yourself, ask the MUA, hair person, etc. to do it for you, if you aren't wanting the model to shift out of position.

If the model isn't comfortable with your conduct or communication, and you know this, ask why. You can't get answers to questions if you don't ask. If you can't make it work, then end the shoot.

In general, as long as you're efficient, polite, and communicate your intention, there's rarely an issue.

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To the models:

You're a model. At some point while you're doing this, you need to accept the fact that you generally have no personal space while shooting. You may have limits as to what manner you may be adjust or squooshed or squeezed or prodded, etc.. but for the most part, get the hell over it.

I've had people with an arm up to their shoulder up a latex skirt to adjust it. I've had my boobs squooshed, squished, fluffed, shifted, etc. I've had my bikini/underwear shifted, lifted, pulled, etc. so that I could maintain a pose the photographer wanted.

I've been shifted like a mannequin into position, shifted myself into position, had my arm, leg, hand, head, etc. shifted for me.

Some people communicate differently. I work with a lot of inexperienced photographers, and many of them aren't really sure how to give direction verbally, so when I'm having trouble understanding what they would like verbally, I ask them to shift me into what they had in mind, or tell them I'm comfortable with them doing so at any point in time, as long as they conduct themselves in a polite, professional manner.

There is a difference between a good touch and a bad touch, but you, as models, need to realize that sometimes, you WILL need to be touched, adjusted, squeezed, squooshed, etc. If you aren't comfortable enough with the photographer, MUA, stylists, or whoever need be touching you, then you shouldn't be working with those people in the first place. Get up, get your things, and walk out the door.

In my 500 +/- shoots in the last 3 years, I've never had an issue with being "touched" in a non-comfortable manner that wasn't a result of poor communication, and if the communication wasn't working, the shoot ended.

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Listen to each other, talk to each other, learn from each other. You can't learn to improve your posing or direction to suite the individual shoot needs if you're scared to death of offending the other person(s).

Photographers, if you have trouble giving verbal cues, or the model isn't taking direction well, then TELL them so. Politely. Explain the issue you're having, and ask if you may gently & quickly adjust what is needed.

Models, get the fuck over it. Really. If you aren't comfortable with something, say so, politely. Explain the issue you're having, and figure out how to resolve it. Half the posing, skill, and knowledge I have as a model, I learned from communicating with the people around me at the shoot, and allowing myself to be worked into a position or such as needed. Sometimes it's things you never noticed, and being made aware of it as an issue can improve your skill and talent as a model.

Where Are You From?

I used to think that about the most annoying possible answer to that question was "All over." Really now, nearly everybody has some sort of a home base. Be it where their family is or where they last lived, you have to have somewhere that you're from.

Oh, how times change. It's a question with which I'm faced fairly frequently, and over the past year, it's become a bear for me to answer. Do I reply "Colorado," where I'm legally a resident, but have only spent about two months of my life? Should I answer "Ohio," which I used as a base of operations for much of last summer? Or what about "Seattle," the last place that I truly feel that I lived? How about telling people "I'm from Indiana," since that's where I was born and raised, and still have family and friends?

Or maybe they intend the question differently. Maybe they're asking where my last stop was. Does that mean I should tell my well-intentioned questioner where I camped along the way the night before, or the last city that I stayed in? Or would it be more appropriate to give an abbreviated replay of where all I've been in the past... week? Month? Three months? Did the trip that took me to Salt Lake City, where I currently am, begin in Wendover UT, San Francisco, Seattle, or Denver? All of them could be legitimate answers.

Do I awkwardly attempt to explain all of that? These days, I just throw my hands up, accept the irony, and tell people, "I'm kind of from all over." It's easier that way, I promise.